Walking Backwards - Episode 8
The voices and Stan the Skeleton Man return, Rick smooths things over, Drew and Ann get hitched, and Tommy warns Drew that things might get strange.
Welcome to the eighth episode of Walking Backwards, the third collection of not quite true tales of Texas. Previous collections are:
The Cold Days of Summer - If you are new to these tales and the type who likes to know how things started I would recommend starting here.
The Hollow Men - the second collection of not quite true tales of Texas.
New episodes are posted (almost) every Sunday. You can move easily between episodes via links to the previous and next episode.
If you are new to these not quite true tales of Texas but are the type who likes to dive right in I suggest you look at the prologue to Walking Backwards. The prologue provides a summary of the first two collections and descriptions of the major characters you will be reading about in Walking backwards.
In our last episode, episode 7 of Walking Backwards, Jack passes Mr. Blessing’s wisdom to Drew, Drew returns to the land of bent trees, rushes Ann a bit and things get a little testy.
After wrapping up a good phone call with Rick, I had a couple of beers while Sam enjoyed a handful of dog treats. Satiated I went to bed, knowing I still had to get back in Ann’s good graces, but not too concerned. Sam, also satiated, patrolled the house one last time and settled in for the night by the front door.
The morning came a little earlier than planned. At 3:15 AM I was woken from a dead sleep by a familiar voice, a voice that I hate to hear from.
“I'm not done with you yet” the voice spoke firmly.
I woke with a start, sat right up in bed. Sam came into my room whimpering.
“I'm not done with you yet.”
I got out of bed and walked around the house looking for the source of the voice. Sam walked right at my heels, her little stump of a tail tucked down low. Four more times I heard the voice as we walked through the house. It took every beer in the house and most of a fifth of Black Jack before the voice went quiet. The next day was a very foggy, cloudy day in my head but at least I did not hear the voice. To play it safe I drove to the liquor store and bought another fifth and two cases of beer. Taking no chances I started drinking at 3:00 pm. I was determined to not hear the voice. I didn't stop drinking until I lost consciousness.
I awoke in the field. It was very dark and a light rain was falling. I was all alone. I walked just to be moving, hoping that at some point the purpose of the dream would announce itself.
Instead Stan the Skeleton Man made the announcement.
“How you doing, Drew? You've become quite good at the disguise. An employed young man, engaged to a beautiful woman. From the outside not a care in the world, but on the inside, well, that's a different story, isn't it?”
Stan was standing in the middle of a circle in the field where the rain did not fall. I walked in to the circle, and shook myself like a dog, knocking some of the rain off of me.
“Hello, Stan, how are you?”
“No, the proper question is 'How are you?' I reflect you, remember? What I am is you. Look at me, what do you see?”
At first glance Stan looked good, no longer a skeleton, he looked whole. But then he did the damnedest thing. He peeled the skin right off of his left arm, revealing that underneath there was nothing but bone, no muscle, no tendons, no blood, just skin and bones.
“I am you. You are me. I am your reflection. Drew, you're not whole, not if you look deep, not if you look under the surface. You've made some progress, but you got a lot of work to do, or you risk having everything fall apart.”
A flash of lightning struck Stan and he was gone. All that was left was scorched earth. The world went dark but before my mind went quiet I heard “I'm not done with you yet.”
I didn't wake up until the morning light poured into the living room. I had passed out on the couch. Sam was curled up on the floor. Shit, everything in me hurt. By the angle of the sunlight coming in the living room I guessed it was around 9:00 am. The phone was ringing.
It was Ann.
“You didn't call last night. Is everything all right?
Damn, I was so wrapped up in not hearing the voice that I had forgotten to call Ann.
“Everything is fine. I was up late last night working on a project that is due Monday. I completely forgot to call, I am so sorry. How did the night with the girls go?”
“A little loud, a little crazy. I've got a bit of a hangover. Wish I did like you and stayed home last night.”
Hmm, every word, every sound hurt, but it was worth it to not hear that damn voice.
“Could you come down today?”
I was slow to react.
“Um, where, to Freeport or Houston?”
“West Columbia, I want to look at the house again. I've been thinking it over this week. It would be nice to be near Mom. Columbia Lakes is close enough but far enough, if you know what I mean?”
Considering I lived seven hours away from my family, I had an idea.
“Can you leave soon?”
This drive was going to hurt. I might be still drunk and in the three plus hours the drive would take I would have to get sober and over the hangover that was already in full gear.
“Yeah, sure. Sam and I will grab a couple of things and we will be on the road.”
Thirty minutes later, after a cold then hot shower and a change of clothes we were on the road. I made a large glass of iced tea for the road. Drinking the tea I slowly woke and sobered up. My head was pounding but four Excedrins from my home to La Grange dulled the pain and the additional caffeine pushed the last remnants of way too much alcohol away. I stopped in La Grange at What-a-Burger. At this point I was reasonably sober, but shaky and queasy. I was getting too old for this shit. A burger, french fries and a malt settled my stomach. Sam enjoyed her hamburger and fries as well. In case you wondered Sam likes her burgers dry with no toppings, just meat and bun and her fries with no ketchup. My ver specific order confused the person managing the drive- thru until she saw Sam sitting next to me when we pulled up to the window.
I met Ann at her mother's house and I think I managed to not make a fool of myself. We called the realtor who said she could meet us at the house in Columbia Lakes in about 45 minutes.
Sam joined Buster in the backyard while I drove Ann to Columbia Lakes. By this point I was in decent shape though there was still more of a tinge of a headache that had seemed to have made a permanent camp in my head. The realtor was waiting for us at the house. We walked around the house, listened to descriptions of all the features of the house, and then the kicker.
“I've talked with the country club. They will toss in a full golf membership if you buy the house.”
That did catch my attention.
We didn't make any commitments. We were still letting it settle in. It was a little before 3:00 pm. Ann mentioned she was hungry so we drove into West Columbia and had an early dinner at Lucy's.
“I think we should buy the house.”
That wasn't me talking, it was Ann.
“You think so? How about Katy?”
“I can teach down here, either in West Columbia or Sweeny or Brazosport. I'm ready for a change.”
“Okay.” And it was at this point, the drinking of the last two days slowed my thinking down and a question slipped out. “What led to the change of heart?”
“This has all been a little overwhelming. We met, what, a little over a year ago? In three months we will be married and have a home. That's a lot of change in a very short time. I, I, wasn't sure if I could handle it.”
She stopped talking, looked out over the restaurant, taking in everything that was there.
“It was Rick. He called me this morning. Woke me up. It was the sweetest thing. He said the two of you have been friends for a long time and that he had wondered if you would ever find someone. Then when he met me, he knew you had found the right someone. That's what he told me. It was so strange. The last few weeks I've been very nervous about all of this. About all of this, so much so fast. Then talking to Rick, well, it all made sense. It's like talking to Father Pat. I might walk in worried about anything and everything, about is this the right thing to do all the way down to did I pick the right china pattern? Then Father Pat says something, puts it all in perspective and I know, I know we are doing the right thing. And that's what Rick did this morning. I was worried, anxious, I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't want to talk to my friends, I didn't want to talk to my Mom or Father Pat. And then, out of the blue, Rick calls, he calls me. And just like Father Pat, Rick put everything in perspective. He didn't talk long, not at all, but when he hung up, I was in the right place. I realized that there is no guarantee, but I know I love you and that you love me and that together we are better than separate.”
“Damn.” My mind was going all over the place. What had Rick done? And something else, how did Rick know to call Ann at her mother’s house in Freeport?
“Rick should be a priest or minister. He's good, though he doesn't seem at all formal. Drew, you know what he said right before he said goodbye?”
“I have no idea. Most of the time, with Rick, I have no idea of what he's doing or thinking.”
“He said 'Life seems to be forever but the people in it just seem to come and go.'”
Ah, shit, that's what the voice said the morning of Jack's and Shannon's wedding. Wait, Rick was there that morning. Was he the one who said it?
“I asked him what that meant and he said that to us life seems short, but it does go on forever. What is temporary are the people, that's why when you find someone, the right one, you have got to go all in. Not part of the way, but all in. He said to ask you a question. Drew, are you ready?”
“Yeah, I'm ready.”
“Are you all in?”
I looked into Ann's eyes. I didn't see anything because I could see everything. I saw life, death, the future, the past. I saw love. Was I all in? The guy who committed to nothing, who didn't belong to anything? I thought back to Stan and his warning that everything could fall apart unless I changed. Shit, I didn't have a choice.
“Yeah, I'm all in.”
I reached out and held Ann's hand and hoped I sounded convincing. She smiled at me, an absolutely beautiful smile. I had passed the test of the moment. We ate our meal and talked about our house. We drove back to Columbia Lakes and made an offer to the realtor.
Tuesday I was back in Austin when the realtor called and said our offer had been accepted.
At the end of the week I received a letter from Rick. He and I had been writing letters fairly regularly since he bought his personal computer setup (thanks to my expert advice). Most of his letters were normal, telling my about the house he was working on, catching me up on what was going on in Odessa and with friends who were still in west Texas. This letter was a little different. Here are the key parts of it.
By now you know I talked to Ann this week. I called her last week because I felt you needed an intervention of sorts. You’ve been saying most of the right things, but I could feel the edge in your words and the space between the words. I was worried you might screw up your relationship with Ann. I hope I said the right words and that all is good with you two. You’re better with her than without her.Knowing you, I bet you’re wondering how I tracked Ann down at her mother’s house. Nothing magical, no all knowing me was involved. I just used a little logic and had a good enough memory to figure things out. I knew Ann’s last name so I first tried to reach her at her Houston address. I got that number easily enough thanks to the excellent customer service of SouthWestern Bell. No answer at that number so that go me thinking. She’s planning a wedding, a wedding that will be held at Freeport, her home town. So, then I looked for a Torrance in Freeport and luckily there was only one Torrance there. I called the number, Ann’s mother answered and I asked for Ann.Well, that did answer the burning question in my head. It sounded like the old Rick, just thinking a problem through logically with the information he had in hand.
The next few months moved quickly. We closed on the house in Columbia Lakes in at the beginning of May 1989. The next weekend I moved a few things to our new house from my house in Austin. Ann moved a few things from her apartment and her bedroom at her mother's house. The full move in would occur after our wedding and honeymoon.
The wedding occurred with out a hitch the first weekend of June 1989. The reception was held at the church with a keg and a band. Sue cried, so did Ann, Kate and Shannon. Rick gave us a very warm, sincere toast and Sue cried again. Mark and Barry lightened the mood by leaving for a few minutes and returning with fast food from Jack-in-the-Box. They assured us all that no Jack-in-the-Box was harmed. Mary Ann and Mike were there and made us promise that we would be at their wedding in Odessa at the end of July. An easy promise to make for me, but I'm not so sure Ann was looking forward to another visit to Odessa, this one in the middle of summer.
After the reception Ann and I drove to IAH and we checked into a hotel for the night. We had a flight to the Bahamas the next morning. Sam and Buster stayed with Ann's mother during our honeymoon. It was off season in the Bahamas and at times it felt like we had the hotel to ourselves. We drank too much, stayed in the sun too much. In other words we had a great time. I didn't hear a single voice the whole time we were there. Once back in the states we made the final move to Columbia Lakes. We first moved most of my stuff from my house in Austin, then cleaned up the house and listed it with a realtor as rental property. Sam and I said goodbye to Billy and his parents. At the worst the house would be rented by late August. Ann's apartment was hers until the end of June so we took our time to move her stuff to Columbia Lakes. We put a fence around the lot so Buster and Sam had a safe place to spend their days. They adapted quickly. Buster now had a place to play outside and Sam had more room to patrol than she had in Austin. Our first night in the new house we camped out in the backyard under the stars. They were as I remembered them, more than I could count, more than I had ever seen. Something about the stars helped me to relax. Just being able to see them helped me believe I was a part of something bigger than myself.
At the end of July we flew to Odessa for Mike and Mary Ann's wedding. Now that we lived 500 miles away driving there made less sense. We arrived mid-day Wednesday. At the airport we rented a car and drove to my Mom's house. Brutus was not happy that Sam and Buster did not come but was willing to put up with us. Wednesday evening we kept things quiet. I called Rick to let him know we were in town and he said we would get together the next day. That evening Elizabeth, Budd and the twins dropped by to visit.
Thursday morning I was up first and brewed a pot of coffee for Mom and Ann. They were both up and sipping their first cup when the door bell rang. It was Rick.
“Whoa, a little early, isn't it?”
“We've got places to go. Get dressed.”
“Where we going?”
“Southern Maid on 8th street.”
“Okay, I don't see a car, guess you walked over. Let me grab my keys.”
“No, we're walking. It's not that far, the weather's nice, it will be good for us. Let your Mom go to work and Ann rest.”
I don't mind walking and it actually sounded nice, a long walk in the morning sun with Rick and I did enjoy Southern Maid donuts. Ann had not experienced the intense pleasure of a strawberry or orange iced donut. I would bring some back with us. All I had to do was explain what was up.
I explained and both Mom and Ann accepted the idea. Mom whispered something to Ann, they both laughed and Ann said “I'll keep Brutus company until you get back but I want some donut holes.”
A few minutes later I was dressed and walking out the door towards Southern Maid with Rick.
Odessa morning traffic is rough on those who live there but for anyone who has lived anywhere else the traffic is light, even if you are on foot. For the first few minutes we didn't say anything, then we said a few things about the weather in Odessa and in West Columbia. Finally Rick got to the point.
“Sometimes all you need is the simple things, like a good donut, to remind you life is worth living. We can get all wrapped up in all kinds of things, but in the end a good donut can make all of the difference.”
“This some kind of lecture?”
“Yeah, it is. You've made a lot of changes, that's a good thing, but you can't stop there. You've made some commitments, for the first time in your life you have made some serious commitments. Now you have to live up to them.”
“I think I've held to my commitments pretty well, with VP Tanks and college.”
“This is different. In June you made a personal commitment, you are no longer alone, you and Ann are one now and that's different than anything you've done before. You know that and right now it hasn't been too hard, but things will happen, things will change and there will be points when you will wonder if you have the strength to go on. You do, you always have, you always will, if you're willing to accept that you don't have full control.”
“What do you mean I don't have full control? That seems to go against the idea of free will which you have stressed no matter who you are, the Rick I've known for years or the all knowing Rick.”
“First off, I'm one and the same. It is just sometimes that one aspect is easier to see or accept than other. Second, there is free will. It is entirely your choice in how you respond to what happens. There are many things you can not control but you can always control your response. What I am saying is that things won't always be so easy. Someday things will get hard and how you deal with the situation will determine whether you break or bend. Personally, I think it is a good thing you now live in the land of bent trees, I hope they remind you to choose a response that allows you to bend in the hard times and not break.”
Serious talk for a walk to the donut shop. We had drifted onto more casual banter once we arrived at Southern Maid. Rick had a maple iced and an orange iced donut. I had a cinnamon cake donut and a strawberry iced donut. While the sugar rush had control I also bought two dozen donut holes, a cinnamon roll, a maple iced donut, an orange iced donut and two strawberry iced donuts. With some luck, something would be left for Ann by the time we walked back to my Mom’s house on 11th street.
The conversation on the way back was less meaningful, but it did have a point.
“Do you go to Southern Maid every day?”
“No, only on Thursdays.”
“Why Thursdays?”
“Why not?”
All right, Rick can be a little exasperating at times.
“Okay, why just Thursdays?'
“We talked about this before but you've clearly forgotten. All things in moderation. If you eat donuts every day you lose appreciation for the taste. Once a week, the taste is still special. Drew, in case you missed the point, as you often do, this is true for all things, not just Southern Maid Donuts.”
Jack flew into town Friday afternoon. Mike and I picked him up at the airport and went immediately to the rehearsal. The bachelor party was restrained, maybe we were really adults? The wedding was very nice. Mike and Mary Ann definitely seemed happy. It was a little strange to realize that Jack, Mike and I were married. I definitely never saw myself as a married man. For such a long time Jack was not the marrying kind. Mike didn't seem to the marrying kind either. But there it was, we were all married and living hundreds of miles from each other. I wondered how often we would see each other from this point on. I wondered the same thing about my family and friends in Odessa. Five hundred miles was a long way.
In August Ann started her new job as an art teacher at Columbia High School in West Columbia, less than a ten minute drive from our house. I still had some contracts in Austin and expected to spend a few days there a month. Now that I was closer to Houston I was spending ten to fifteen days a month there. I was also drumming up work in southern Brazoria County. In September I landed my first contract at Intermedics in Angleton, twenty minutes from the house.
All was good until October when the dreams and voices came back in force. It began one day when I was driving to Houston and I heard very distinctly “I'm not done with you yet.” Damn near drove off the road when I heard that.
Two nights later I woke up in the field. Tommy was there. He congratulated me on getting married, wished me luck and told me I would need it soon and that if I needed him he would be around. I asked about my Dad. Tommy told me he spent most of his time in town. He was the unofficial handyman, fixing whatever was broken. I thought it was strange in whatever world my dead friend and dead Dad existed in that there were still things that needed fixing but I did not pursue that line of reasoning. Sometimes the dead have no reason for what they do.
Three days later I heard “Life seems to be forever but the people in it just seem to come and go.” Twice more in November and three times in December I dreamed of the field. Tommy was there every time and the last time my Dad was there. We didn't say much, maybe it was some of that Remington stubbornness, I don't know. It did seem silly, but I didn't break the ice.
“Drew, from what I can tell you picked a winner in that Ann. Treat her right.”
That was good enough for me. Dad never showered me with compliments so I took this one in stride.
In mid-December Ann told me she was pregnant. I told her that that was wonderful. I didn't tell her that it scared the hell out of me. I didn't know anything about being a parent and my greatest fear was that I would fail miserably.
About a month later I heard “I'm not done with you yet,” while I was digging out a flower bed in the back yard. Three days later I again heard someone say “Life seems to be forever but the people in it just seem to come and go.” I wasn't drinking much during this time and the voices and the dreams were almost enough to start me up again, but I wasn't alone anymore. As Rick had told me I had responsibilities, at least to Ann, so instead of drinking I applied logic and observation to the situation. I kept a log of the voices and dreams, when they happened, what I heard, what I remembered.
In January 1989 the first pattern began to emerge. On January 15, 1989, forty days after I heard “I'm not done with you yet” the same voice spoke the same words. Three days later a different voice said “Life seems to be forever but the people in it just seem to come and go.” I didn't have exact dates for when I heard the voices in October, but it came out close to 40 days. I would have to wait another 40 days to be sure.
Next week in episode 9 of Walking Backwards God dies on the way to Southern Maid.